Step by Step You Lead Me

I Believe in the Power of Change

2006-11-19T23:10:00.000-08:00

There is a power contained within each and every one of us -- the power to one day wake up and realize that who we are kinda sucks. We have the power to take this realization and do one of two things with it -- sit on our asses or get up and do something. I believe in the power of change. Who says that the major, the school, the dream you've chosen is the one you must stick with? Believe in the power to change your mind and find something that suites you better. Who says that the girl or guy you were in high school, or even in college, must be the same person with the same likes and interests for the rest of your life? Believe in the power to change who you are, even in the subtlist of ways. Who says that your family, your economic status, your health, your education can determine who you will be when you "grow up"? Growing up is a process, a dance. We are all dancers on the stage, twirling and stretching, fast and slow, together producing something that not a single one of us could have dreamed on our own. I believe in the power of change, the rhythm of life.

Our God is a god of change. He never wanted us to just go along with the flow. Noah lived seperate from his neighbors as a man who knew God, and was saved because of it. Moses took his rod and his poor speaking abilities to stand before Pharoh. Jesus tore down the social structure of his day, providing a totally counter-cultural lifestyle. WE ARE CALLED TO CHAGE, GROW, EXPERIENCE!! We are not to be in the mainstream. We are not to stay the same as we were before. God is a god of change. He changes hearts, minds, circumstances... all for HIS glory and honor, so that HIS name may be praised. I may not understand all of the theology, but I know this beyond a doubt: if God calls you to change, he is right there with you providing the means. Change is good. Believe.

Urbana06!!!

2006-10-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am super duper pumped about a conference opportunity that's coming up and I wanted to share it with the world. Urbana06, held in STL during Christmas Break, with ROCK YOUR WORLD like it's rocking mine. This is the largest missions conference I've ever heard of -- someone told me around 25,000 college-age people will be there praising Jesus and trying to find their place in world missions.

I started feeling the tug to missions last January. I forget the exact situation but I remember thinking "gee, I dont want to sit here on my butt my entire life, watching news stories about tragedy but never lending a hand." Since then the call has definately gotten stronger and more coheisive: I want to go to southern Africa and work with AIDS orphans. I still don't know how exactly, or when, or for how long... but God is so unifying my vision and giving me a dream.

You Have a Calling. That's the title of Urbana06 and so very very true. I do, you do, and we as the body of Christ have a unified calling. So, lol, I promise this will be the only commercial on my blog, ever, but seriously weigh the fact that God might be calling you too!

God? Now What?

2006-10-08T18:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the strangest things happen, and we wonder why. What on earth is God doing, what is he changing? What happens next? I am full of wonder and amazement at some of the tricks God pulls. Like putting people back into your life who you thought (hoped?) you would never see again. And then these people, these old enemies, reach out to you because they trust you for some odd reason or another. Maybe it's God shining through your eyes, or maybe they remember the past and are trying to make up for it.

All I know is I will pour love out of every word, every action humanly possible, and maybe they, too, will find Christ.

Testimony

2006-10-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

One of the scariest things God has ever demanded of me was to face my past. Like everyone I am a sinner; unlike some people my past is not only full of sin but of shame. I have so many secret hurts and burdens that I bear alone because I am afraid of public reaction. Unfortuantely -- this is a substantial part of my testimony! This is what God saved me from! This is my connection to others still trapped!

Jesus didn't call us out of sin so we could walk around in a Christian bubble pretending we've been here all along. This drives me nuts! And it's so common... I wasn't saved once I got my life lined out and my ministry chosen and my prayer life stable. I was pulled out of a swirling river (literally, actually) while I was still trapped in a bad relationship that I had no motivation to end with a heart full of bitterness and a mouth full of curses. It's imperative that non-Christians see this side of who I am -- of who every Christian is (you know you have your black side...). That's being authentic.

Pray for me, that I can be more honest with my testimony. I'll be praying for you, too. Our story is all we have -- throwing a bible at someone rarely does any good on its own. Be brave!

Long time, no see

2006-09-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes God doesn't jump right out and yell "Here I am!" I guess i'm going through that right now... I see places I think God should be, or that I'd like God to be, but he isn't there. But instead of continually looking in one place, searching as in-depth as possible, I tend to run away to the next best option, then the one after that, then the one after that, until I'm all but playing in the mud. Consistancy is difficult for me; self control a dream for the future.

There are so many things that came out on retreat last weekend during our Retreat of Silence. Like that I'm still trapped by choice, not by necessity. And that my past should simply be a part of my witness, not a burden that is dragging me down. And... that honesty and assertiveness are critical skills I need to be working on. Too often I'm willing to sugar-coat or wishful-think or just go along with the flow of emotions; God's showing me that I can't do that anymore. Unfortunately I think I hurt someone pretty badly this week by standing up for myself, but it will be the best for both of us. I can't sit back and hope someone else will stand up for me.

Some days I look in the mirror and can only see the beautiful changes God has made in my life -- the dirt He's washed away from me. Other days all I see is the dirt that remains. Overall, it's clear that my heart is changing.

Seasons

2006-09-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

I've been watching the first tree on campus turn from bold green to its annual yellow. The change of seasons has begun its dance once again.

Time is a collection of seasons that flow one to another... a never ending cycle of growth and death, of excitement and calm. Some seasons overlap, others must wait their turn. Some are happy, some leave you wishing the time would flow past faster. Seasons are the definition of life; seasons and cycles. Rhythm is everything.

I can see the seasons changing outside in nature, and I can feel them shifting in my own soul. Last year I spent a long season in growth, fostered in the amazing fellowship of Carpenters for Christ. Those girls challenged me, convicted me, motivated me. Then I moved into a season of striving -- trying to earn the love of Christ and his church through service (how much work for impossible gain!). Now the season is changing again; I'm growing into maturity, incorporating all the things I've learned into something that is maintainable. I'm in a season of calm, at least for the time being. Life has settled into a rhythm.

There's other life cycles going on, too. I've entered another season of singleness... another season of sitting on the sidelines while my friends get engaged, married, pregnant. I've entered a season of friendship with amazing girl friends I wouldn't trade for the world. I'm learning as I interact with people I've never had the chance to meet before. New Christian circles are developing and opening around me. Moods go from up to down to back up again. Everything's cyclic.

C.S.Lewis had a name for these cycles in Screwtape Letters. He called it "the theory of undulation." What goes up must come back down, and what goes down must come back up again. Sometimes God is very near while other times he is distanced. Sometimes everything goes your way and others you must struggle for every chance at joy. Have faith -- for God has done this according to his plan.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a tim to plan and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

2006-09-05T18:46:00.000-07:00

If anyone reads this, please leave me a comment. Honestly, this blog wasn't designed for my own benefit but to connect with other people. If I'm the only one reading it I'll just keep it in my journal.

The Edge of Faith

2006-09-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Standing on the edge of faith, taking risks in life, is scary as anything else I can imagine. I can't begin to tell you how many times I catch my breath and say "oh Lord I hope I've not been lying to myself about all this..." Questioning comes with the territory. It's a super-scary place to be if this all turned out to be false. And sometimes belief and facts don't go far enough. Faith makes up the difference. Faith says "I don't know what's going on, but I will jump all the same."

There's so many times I'm tempted to lay down this life and step back from the edge, back to where it is safe and secure. Back to where I can know without a doubt that I am the same as everyone around me. Back to where I can hold on to the things I love. So many other people seem so happy living that way, where I spend so much time praying that things will work out. But Faith won't let me back down. I hope for something better, and I cling to the prayer that this will all be better than my wildest dreams in the end. Faith keeps me on the edge; it's on faith that I'm living on when God seems far away.

Take a Chance

2006-08-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

I've always been interested in the ways other people worship God. I love visiting churches of other traditions, of visiting massive cathedrals and little one-room structures in the woods. It's a reminder that God is everywhere, in everything.

Something that caught my eye a few years ago was ritualized prayer. Now, I don't mean pointless repetition, but repetition for a purpose of focusing your heart, mind, and life on Christ. It's one of those things that I thought was cool, but because it isn't central to my home church, wasn't "right" for me to explore further.

That's Junk. God's approachable for everyone from their own position, regardless of religious tradition.

I'm starting to use prayer beads from the Anglican church, derived from the Catholic rosary. You assign your own prayers to each of the 33 beads -- the intention isn't the specific words, it's the mind-calming pattern and repetition. I hope this gives a little more consistancy to my prayer life which is often sporatic and based upon emotions. Rituals are good, as long as they're not done for the sake of the ritual.

Packing up (Again)

2006-08-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

Well, my ministry summer is over. It was exhausting... there's no other definition. I've been through amazing triumphs and a major defeat or two. I've met some fantastic friends and some people I'd be fine if I never saw them again. I've laughed, cried, gone a week without sleep, and so very much more.

It's time to move on...

I moved to my parent's house a little over a week and a half ago. It's been nice, but this isn't my home anymore. I spent the summer with a wonderful family, but that was short term. Tomorrow, I go back into the dorm with my friends, peers, and a jolly good time to be had by all. I loved living in a dorm last year -- it was such a cool witnessing experience! I spent hours hanging out with people who are so different from me, people I never would have even met during high school. It's a hard world, but wonderful.

Every day is a new day. Every day requires me to step out in faith. And every step is guided by the one who made me ~ "Step by step you lead me, and I will follow you all of my days. I will seek you in the morning, and learn to walk in your ways, as step by step you lead me, and I will follow you all of my days!"

God is in Control

2006-07-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

What a week... we had a mess of scary storms that swept through my appointed town, my home town, and all the towns surronding. Some of them will never be the same again. My host-couple for the week suffered a lot -- Mike got stuck in Saint Louis when they closed all the bridges. Brooke works in Granite City Hospital which is essentially a ruin. As of yesterday they had no power or water, the emergency room was closed, and at least a couple of people who had been on ventilators passed away because the staff couldn't keep hand-bagging them... then there was the daycare/wedding party fight here at my appointment: the wedding party was ticked off beacuse the daycare had to come down to the worship center for safety while they were setting up the wedding. I could just scream at the insensitivity of people.

But God is in control after all... no lives (that I know of) were lost in accidents. The only deaths have been in hospitals so far... still tragic but somehow less so. And the damage, although drastic and wide-spread, certainly could have been worse. It's good to know that our God is bigger than anything that blows our way, either in the form of storms or difficult work situations.

Please pray for me... these next three weeks are going to be insane. I have youth projects, vacation bible school, the African missions festival, and the kick-off to the young adult ministry. Plus my ususal stuff of teaching Sunday school and Kid's Kingdom. And finishing my transfer to SIUE. It's not more than I can handle with God on my side, but oh man do I need His helping hand...

You get what you asked for

2006-07-18T06:28:00.000-07:00

Never ask God to teach you patience. He will.

I had such a good trip to Chicago, but it was definately a patience-growing experience. It took patience to get into the city Thursday night. Traffic is a nightmare! Then, we got to the train station right after the train left. We had to wait an hour for the next one. Then the train ride took an hour. On Friday, it was more of the same: waiting for buses, trains, subways, etc while we went to all the sites downtown. As we left, it took 2 hours to go from 10 miles north of Joliet to 10 miles south. Praise God He's been helping my patience grow because this must have been the mid-term exam!

I'll fly away, fly away oh Lordy

2006-07-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Even the best of us need a break to run away for a few days and just breathe. So I'm breaking the trend of 12 hour days (... all this week...) and 7 day work weeks (...most of the summer...) to run away. I will be in Chicago with one of my dear girl friends to just recharge. No posts til Monday! No call, no work!

Pray for safe travels and God's blessing on this mini-vacation. I need it if I plan on surviving this ministry internship. (Note: i love what I do. I'm just exhausted)

A Woman's Place

2006-07-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

One of the most hotly debated issues in the church throughout the years is the role of women. Some denomination (most famously the Catholics) block women from preaching and teaching. Even new churches claim that a woman's role is at home, or listening. Other denominations, like my own Methodist, embrace women and empower them to serve the church. Our conference even has a woman bishop. So, as a woman who has heard all the reasoning on both sides and weighed it in my own heart, I have to throw in my own two cents.

"If [Paul] really meant to say that he did not believe there was any place for women to preach, pray, and prophesy in the church then he had major schizophrenic problems because throughout his ministry he allowed them to do all three." (Ray Stark, "Women in Ministry")

In my opinion, the issue with women in ministry isn't in their ability or their right. It's the culture that existed at the time of our Lord and continues on through today. Men don't like to be led by women... there are exceptions for sure, but this is what I've come to learn in my own experiences of leadership. It's uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable doesn't mean wrong. Or right. It's a feeling.

Even in the Bible, there were women leaders. Pricilla taught Apollos, Phoebe was a deaconness, Junia the apostle, Lydia the seller of purple, and others are mentioned throughout the new testament. The book of 2 John was written to a woman known as "the chosen lady." So where's the problem?

The problem is that women are also called to submit to their husbands. that's not a bad thing. That's what's right and good, and desirable (at least in my own heart... anyone else?). Men are called to guide their wives and be the spiritual head of the family.

It all boils down to respect. Isn't that what everything's about, in the end? Respect, and acting in love. There is certainly a place for women in the church -- I myself hope to serve in ministry throughout my life. But all actions must come from love. It's not loving to talk down to a husband (or anyone). It's not respectful to snatch away a role that isn't meant to be yours. If a woman can balance her life and her ministry, she should go for it. In my mind, the same thing goes for men. There are too many men in ministry who are neglecting their families. It's out of balance and disrespectful to their other commitments. Ministry is about God; serving God, loving God, and introducing others to God. There is no reason both genders can't have a part of this awesome commission.

This theme will probably be elaborated upon throughout my internship. Let's voice some opinions; I look forward to learning more. I'm so not a theology major and only know what's in my heart.

Free At Last

2006-07-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

Yehaa! I'm finally online on my own computer in my own office. I've been sharing with the secretary so far this summer because there wasn't a land line strung to my office. Then we went wireless, but the guy with the codes went on his honeymoon. Then my computer didn't want to find the wireless signal. But, finally, I am free to work anywhere in the building that I choose! Upstairs, downstairs, in the sanctuary, out back...

I feel my productivity level increasing already. Lol.

A New Height of Exhaustion

2006-07-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

The one thing I've learned about ministry this summer is it is absolutely exhausting. Whether realistically or not, everyone expects you to be happy and energized at all times. HAHA! I don't know where this idea came from, because we are human just like everyone else and get tired just the same, if not more so because we're trying to carry other people's struggles as well as our own. Some days getting out of bed takes effort.

What keeps me going is knowing that I'm touching lives and making a difference. I know that God's hand is on my work here, opening hearts and minds to change for the better. I know that no matter what happens, I'll never be strong enough but that's ok because I work for someone who's stronger than I can ever imagine.

"The God of all grace... will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)

Every change starts with a dream

2006-07-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

Something that's been on my heart for a long time is the fact there are so few young adults in churchs -- it's like everyone disappears from the time they graduate high school until the day they have their first kid and want to raise him in church. This is unacceptable to me, for many reasons, one of which is I get lonely without any peers ;-). So here comes the big idea:

I'm going to be starting a young adult service on August 3rd. It'll be quiet and focused, with a short message and lots of sensory stuff (sounds, sights, smells) to help people connect to God in a new, unique way. I'm planning on keeping it short (under 45 minutes) because people my age are busy. You should have seen my brainstorm session yesterday, lol -- basically I pace around with my eyes closed and Deb writes down whatever random things I said.

I'm very nervous, but this is so God. I need to get a team of "prayer warriors" to stand with me, and a sounding board to bounce ideas off of. If anyone wants to help, let me know!

And I will follow you all of my days

2006-07-07T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm Jenny, and I'm spending this summer interning for the United Methodist Church. I'm doing youth ministry mostly, but also working with the kids programs, a mission carnival, and bucketloads of other stuff.

God is the single most important thing in my life. It's not always been that way, but it certainly describes life now-a-days. I'm really unsure about where I'm going in life but I know it will be by His hand and in His grace. No matter where He leads me I will try to follow.

From time to time I'll be posting ideas about youth events I'm working on -- if you have ideas please give me a shout out!